i was hoping

perakut bir alanis morissette vakası.

"i was hoping we could heal each other.."

ağlamaklı.

(bkz: hopluyordum ki)

(bkz: kopuyordum ki)

(bkz: umut ediyordum ki)

as we were talking outside,
it was cold,
we were shivering, yet warmed by the subject matter.

my wife is in the next room,
we`ve been having troubles you know,
please don`t tell her or anyone,
but i need to talk to somebody.

you said, "wouldn`t it be a shame if i knew how great i was
five minutes before i died? i`d be filled with such regret
before i took my last breath."
and i said, "you`re willing to tell me this now, and you`re not going to die anytime soon."
and i said i haven`t been eating chicken,
or meat,
or anything.

and you said yes, but you`ve been wearing leather and laughed and said
we`re at the top of the food chain.
and yes you`re still a fine woman,
and i cringed.

i was hoping,
i was hoping we could heal each other.
i was hoping,
i was hoping we could be raw together.

we left the restaurant where the head waiter (in his 60`s), said
"good bye, sir. thank you for your business sir. you`re successful and
established, sir, and we like the frequency with which you dine here sir. and
your money."
and when i walked by, they said "thank you too dear."
i was all pigtails and cords.
and there was a day when i would`ve said something like,
"hey dude, i could buy and sell this place, so kiss it."
i too once thought i was owed something.

i was hoping,
i was hoping we could challenge each other.
i was hoping,
i was hoping we could crack each other up.

i too thought that when proved wrong, i lost somehow.
i too thought life was cruel.
it`s a cycle, really.
you think i`m withdrawing and guilt tripping you.
i think you`re insensitive and i don`t feel heard.

and i said "do you believe we are fundamentally judgmental?
fundamentally evil?"
and you said yes.
and i said do you believe in revenge, in right or wrong, good or bad?
and you said "well, what about the man that i saw handcuffed in the emergency
room,
bleeding after beating his kid, and she threw a shoe at his head.
i think what he did was wrong, and i wouldn`t have had a hard time feeling
compassion for him."
i had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged.

i was hoping,
i was hoping we could dance together.
i was hoping,
i was hoping we could be creamy together.

(bkz: supposed former infatuation junkie)
(bkz: alanis morissette)